Ambrose Bierce Quotes :
“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
“The covers of this book are too far apart.”
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
“Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.”
“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man—who has no gills.”
“Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.”
“Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.”
“Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.”
“Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.”
“Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”
“Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.”
“Optimism: The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.”
“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”
“Experience: The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.”
“Politics: Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”
“Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.”
“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”
“The covers of this book are too far apart.”
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
“Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.”
“Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”
“Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.”
“Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”
“Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”
“Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”
“Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”
“Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.”
“Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”
“Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.”
“Optimism: The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.”
“Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.”
“Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”
“Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am).”
“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”
“Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.”
“Impiety: Your irreverence toward my deity.”
“Brain: An apparatus with which we think that we think.”
“Sweater: Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”
“Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.”
“Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”
“Habit: A shackle for the free.”
“Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.”
“Future: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”
“History: An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.”
“Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law.”
“Debt: An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.”
“Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”
“Rational: Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience, and reflection.”
“Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”
“Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.”
“Boundary: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.”
“Truth: An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.”
“Battle: A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.”
“Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.”
“Radicalism: The conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.”
“Deliberation: The act of examining one’s bread to determine which side it is buttered on.”
“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”
“Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.”
“Zealot: One who is inspired by a passion for the advancement of a cause that he does not understand.”
“Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.”
“Positive: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.”
“Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
“Revolution: In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.”
“Ambition: An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.”
READ MORE AUTHORS QUOTES :